PRETTY SWEET GIG

Our dog has a pretty sweet gig. Jester gets two meals per day, spaced out predictably, one in the morning and one in the evening.  His water is changed daily and ice cubes are added to cool it to the perfect temperature. He gets a morning AND an evening walk daily. He gets numerous treats and doesn't have to do much at all to earn them. In fact, all he has to do is walk into the laundry room while I'm folding clothes and a treat magically appears.  He doesn't have to shake, roll over, dance, or speak.
Jester has the run of the house and sleeps on any surface that pleases him-that would be every bed in the house and every couch and chair is fair game too. He has 24-hour access to the outside with his doggie door so he can join in bark fests with the neighbor dogs when it suits him.
He has all of his health needs met with regular visits to the vet. His daily medications are administered with a piece of cheese or he won't take them. He gets multiple belly rubs, head pets and talked to in that cute voice that makes his tail wag.  He gets baths at reasonable intervals and we'd shower him with toys but he's not interested. He gets to sleep with his humans but he rarely does because he likes to sprawl in the guest room.
The only thing we ask of him is that he takes care of business outside and barks to scare off would-be intruders.  The truth is, he'd hightail it out the doggie door if an intruder actually entered the house, leaving us to fend for ourselves.
So, I'd say this guy is living the dream for sure.  How did he luck out? Where can I find a gig as sweet as his?