My dad passed away in 2009 and to this day, just thinking about his obituary makes me reach for a glass of red wine. (I call wine my "red medicine". Try it, you'll like it.)
Why the anger? Rather than talk about the great man my dad was, the obit mentioned his career first. He was a judge for 27 years and a lawyer for 10 years before serving on the bench. Was he merely his employment? Was that the most important thing about my dad? Absolutely not.
What followed in the obit were his hobbies of golf and hunting, although he hadn't hunted for decades. My father adored, or better said, my father was addicted to golf. Perhaps it was the thing that kept him sane after 27 years on the bench passing judgments on all who entered. That had to be rough.
But I wanted more about who my dad was, not what he did for a living. I wanted to re-write the obit and mention how he drove his three daughters to Omaha back in the 60's to see the Monkees at considerable expense and potential hearing loss. I wanted to let the world know that he would cry tears of joy when his kids made the cheerleading squad or the golf team or graduated college or got married. And when he was blessed with grandkids? It was a cry fest.
I wanted people to know that he was a messy cook that made the best BBQ sauce you've ever tasted and his spaghetti sauce was even better. I wanted to tell readers that his favorite song was "Mack the Knife" and he'd bellow it out even though he was tone deaf and couldn't carry a tune.
It seems to me it's the little things people do that make a life and the career is just a means of support. Yes, my dad was a judge but he was so much more than that. No you know too.
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